Why medication for mental illness should be viewed as one piece of the puzzle not the solution.

There are three main things that I want to talk about in relation to medication.

Firstly that it should be viewed as one piece in a puzzle of treatment, not as the single cure. Secondly that you should aim to use it as a short term solution not a long term answer. Thirdly, with point one and two being said taking medication should not be viewed with stigma. 

I suffered with severe anxiety for around 8 years before I really sought help, and it wasn’t until the last year that I finally began medication. I had always been strongly opposed to being on medication, and viewed it as a sign of mental weakness. 

With a strong family history of mental illness  (mainly depression) on both my parents sides  I had seen its effects first hand on the lives of loved ones. I had watched my pop (grandfather) take medication every day for well over 10 years.

When my anxiety began to shift into depression I became fearful and resistant of taking medication, scared that I would end up dependent for the rest of my life like my pop. I was scared of the idea that a chemical would be effecting my brain, altering my genuine thoughts and feelings and making me a more palatable version of myself. I feared the inauthenticity of it. 

Now looking back I almost laugh at that idea. Because it has been the opposite feeling for me. Medication gave me a window of opportunity, to remember who I was and what it felt like to live without crushing anxiety gripping my heart. It helped me remember what it felt like to wake up in the morning and stop counting the minutes until the day would be over again, how to get out of bed before 11am, how to eat food again and actually keep it down. My point is I had been living in a state of anxiety and depression for so long I had completely forgotten what life felt like before, and had therefore lost the belief it could ever feel that way again. 

When you finally have those old feelings again, those moments of laughter and elation, or calmness and clarity you slowly flex different muscles in your heart and mind and begin to re-train your brain to think differently. 

I remember the first day I took medication, I cried and cried after swallowing it, consumed by the belief that I had failed, and that I was weak. Even people close to me spoke about medication as though it was some dirty fix, it made me feel shameful. 

This is NOT OKAY. Every person is on their own mental health journey and it is not up to us to judge them. There is NOTHING WEAK about medication. It is a scaffolding that you can build around and when you are ready to stand on your own two feet you can remove the safety. But it is your choice and only you will know when you are ready for this. 

I want to round off by mentioning how important it is to see medication as only ONE aspect of your treatment. I have learnt the hard way that there is no easy fix. Mental illness cannot be treated with only band aid solutions (which medication ultimately is). As much as this is a cliche you MUST invest in your mind , body and soul. Everything effects your mental state, your exercise patterns, your food intake (this is a huge one) your thought patterns and ability to quiet your mind. When you start working with all these things together you start seeing long term changes . 

I hope you my experience has helped provide some insight into treatment. Don’t forget that you should never be ashamed of mental illness OR taking medication. Like any challenge mental illness can be the most transformative experience you will ever have. And if you approach it right it can change you for the better.

x X 

BB

How Brene Brown Changed the Conversation about Vulnerability Part 1

Brene Brown is an American academic turned bestselling author who rose to prominence after her  Ted talk on vulnerability (see below) went viral. Her talk argues that to live a full life requires courage – and showing courage means doing things that make you feel vulnerable. It quickly became one of the most successful Ted talks of all time racking up more than 27 million views, there is a reason for its successes. Brown warns us that in our search for perfection many of us have forgotten how to accept ourselves as we are and engage meaningfully with one another.

She claims one of our largest barriers is worthiness. We have this constant narrative of ‘I am not good enough’.  Her insights come after suffering what she herself calls a breakdown and her therapist calls a ‘spiritual awakening’. 

Brown explains that there is only one variable that separates the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging from the people who struggle for it. And it’s simply that the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging believe they’re worthy of it i.e the thing that is keeping us from connection, is our fear of unworthiness.

The other aspect ‘happy’ people had in common was a sense of courage but not courage in the sense we know it, more like the courage of authenticity to “tell the story of who you are with your whole heart”.The courage to be imperfect. 

“She explains “ They had the compassion to be kind to themselves first and then to others, because, as it turns out, we can’t practice compassion with other people if we can’t treat ourselves kindly. And they had connection… as a result of authenticity, they were willing to let go of who they thought they should be in order to be who they were. ” 

They fully embraced vulnerability. They believed that what made them vulnerable made them beautiful.  They took chances like being the first one to say “I love you” knowing they could be setting  themselves up for pain. It is the willingness to feel whatever needs to be felt.

Instead we run away from this. We numb vulnerability. Brown points out that the problem is you cannot be selective about what aspects you numb, so we end up blocking the other things like gratitude and happiness as well. This all makes us miserable and vulnerable again , so we reach for the next block…(drink, cigarette, destructive choice) and so we continue the dangerous cycle.  It is our job then to embrace our imperfection, to be authentic and to take responsibility.

So what does Brown say the answer to all this is ?  

“ To let ourselves be seen, deeply seen, vulnerably seen … to love with our whole hearts, even though there’s no guarantee — and that’s really hard,… to practice gratitude and joy in those moments of terror, when we’re wondering, “Can I love you this much? Can I believe in this this passionately? “ just to be able to stop and, instead of catastrophizing what might happen, to say, “I’m just so grateful, because to feel this vulnerable means I’m alive.” And the last, which I think is probably the most important, is to believe that we’re enough. Because when we work from a place, I believe, that says, “I’m enough” … then we stop screaming and start listening, we’re kinder and gentler to the people around us, and we’re kinder and gentler to ourselves.” 

I first saw these videos when I was ‘away’ in recovery after what I can only really describe as a nervous break down. During that time my psychiatrist set me the ‘homework’ of watching this Brene Brown video and it struck a huge chord with me. My emotional rawness had often been used against me and I had been attempting for a long time to stem the overwhelming tide of feelings that threatened to engulf me in as many dangerous ways as I could. Brown explained it all to me so well, I realised that the secret wasn’t detaching from your feelings or covering your self in armour to be strong. And life wasn’t about demanding nothing short of perfection from yourself but that the secret was kindness; for yourself and for others.

I hope you can take something worthwhile from this video too.

Video 1 : Vulnerability

 

Video 2: Shame (Couldn’t resist adding her follow up video too)

 

Her two most popular books :

x X  BB

Mental illness & Me : The Beginning

My most obvious experience with mental health issues began when I was in year 10 of high school. I was 16 and studying for my Higher school certificate exams when I began to realise that I was stressing to a level that none of my peers came close too. I would spend hours poring over notes, colour coding them and making them beautiful. I wasn’t sleeping, my eyes were blood shot and I was always on the verge of tears. I started isolating myself from my friends during these times. And I began having physical reactions more and more frequently where I would have moments of uncontrollable hot sweats that would wash over and drench me instantly.

The word ‘perfectionist’ was thrown around by my teachers constantly, a word that I loathed for what it did to me but took pride in what it meant to me. This may sound strange to you but for years and years I never understood the idea of not doing something to the absolute highest standard you are capable of. The idea of doing the bare minimum or even of doing just enough made me feel uneasy and anxious.

I started to feel myself falling into a category; the girl who was always stressed about something, running late to hand work in, and pulling all nighters to finish assignments. Socially I had no issues, I had wonderful friends I was socially confident and I had the most amazing family a person could ask for but I was plagued by my own self doubt never feeling ‘good enough’. I lived in fear that one day people would realise I was just hardworking not smart. Soon I started feeling like I was loosing control of my emotions and myself, growing less and less confidant about my abilities and my looks. I started channeling  my perfectionism into something new, something I could control, my body.

I had discovered something new to focus on, something I could actually control which made me feel powerful. It was the ability to skip meals. I would empty my lunch in the bin everyday or give it out to friends, when close friends were getting suspicious I would try and brush it away like it meant nothing to me.

At the end of the year I was feeling unhappy, I needed a change in my life and I needed more structure in my studies, I was spending ridiculous amounts of time pouring over my work. At the time I attended a ‘alternative education school’ which was very lax on rules and encouraged a lot of self motivation. I decided to make a huge move and go to a mainstream  private school on the north shore for my final two years of HSC, hopeful that a new environment would help me disrupt the patterns I was beginning to get stuck in. Little did I know that everything was about to get a whole lot worse…

To be continued…

 

x X

B B

 

 

Australian Story :The Fault In Our Stars

WATCH:  Australian Story :: The Fault In Our Stars

Mic Newling’s survivor story is undeniably inspiring.

At just 13 years old Mic began suffering from crippling mental illness which his psychiatrist Professor Gordon Parker described as “as severe as it could possibly be”.

After four years of unbelievable pain and confusion for both Mic and his family, hope finally came when Professor Parker (founder of the Black Dog Institute), diagnosed Mr Newling with bipolar disorder. 

The frightening fact is that while we may think this seems like a long time before diagnosis, on average Australians with bipolar disorders wait a shocking 10 years before getting a diagnosis, if ever.  

This is particularly so for bipolar II, which is far less understood than bipolar I.

Both are characterised by severe mood highs and lows, Bipolar I is more extreme with sufferers also experiencing psychosis and often ending up in hospital. Although Bipolar II is far more common, diagnosis is rare. 

“Many health practitioners have little experience with bipolar II and are therefore reluctant to diagnose it and this leads to unsatisfactory management,” Professor Parker said.

“It was just like living a nightmare,”

I wasn’t in control of my own mind … I was scared of my own thoughts.”  –  Mic Newling 

Nic Newling in his office at the Black Dog Institute where he now works running their adolescent website Bite Back .

“What began as just feeling sad and anxious soon moved into this weird sort of not grasping reality” Mic said.

The condition worsened and Mic began to have violent thoughts, finally telling his mum Jayne he wanted to” kill people”.

“It was just like living a nightmare,” Mic said.

“I wasn’t in control of my own mind … I was scared of my own thoughts.”

For four years Mic was diagnosed with a myriad of disorders; anxiety, depression , obsessive compulsive disorder and  schizophrenia. He was plagued by suicidal thoughts, spent time in psychiatric wards, took many different medications and even underwent electroconvulsive therapy (a treatment reserved for the most extreme cases).

However nothing worked and he was forced to drop out of school. In retrospect Nic now looks back at his experience reflecting upon the problems surrounding diagnosis. He explains that:

“With specialists there’s a bit of a confirmation bias that can happen … he’d ask certain questions and I’d just say, ‘Yeah, that sounds like something I experience”.This is a huge problem especially when it comes to bipolar which shares many of the same symptoms as other mental illnesses.

Professor Parker diagnosed Mic with bipolar II when he was 16.

He had become suicidal and was under observation in a locked psychiatric ward when Professor Parker visited and witnessed him having a manic high and this confirmed his suspicion of bipolar.

For Mr Newling’s family it was a celebratory moment of relief to finally find out what their son was suffering with.

Once he finally knew what he was dealing with Mic followed a holistic treatment program  including medication, education and a wellbeing plan.

Professor Parker stressed that understanding the illnesses intricacies, especially its mood swings is vital. He also stresses the importance of simple lifestyle changes such as: no drugs, moderate alcohol, plenty of sleep and even vitamins and fish oil.

Over the next few years, Mic began slowly improving.

“Getting better after such a  long period of time … [is]when I realised that I’ve got a future and I want to have a future,” he said.

Professor Parker said Mr Newling’s case was unusual in its severity, early onset and early diagnosis but he was confident his story does offer hope for others.

Today Mic is on a low dose of medication and has not had a severe high or low in years. Mic now works at the Black Dog Institute where he runs its adolescent website BITE BACK.

He is also a public advocate for people with mood disorders speaking in high schools about mental health issues. 

“I just know how hard it was in school for me so if I can change that for others, I’d be crazy not to,” he said.

For Professor Parker, Mic’s recovery is “what he is in the profession for”. 

via : Abc News story about Mic Newling

*[note I can fully vouch for this diagnosis problem. I had to witness my best friend struggle for 9 years before her bipolar disorder was diagnosed. She tried everything; depression treatment, wholistic therapy, drug abuse (self medication) as well as seeing countless health professionals before she was finally diagnosed at the age of 25. The moment she began her medication and treatment her whole life changed, the girl I knew so many years ago and fell in love with returned. It is heart-breaking that so many live this life of pain when treatment is readily available. The only way to fight this is to increase knowledge of the disease, formulate easier diagnosis techniques, educate health care AND health professions to recognise the differences between BI and BII, and more importantly break the stigma surrounding it that prevents many from wanting to be identified with it.] 

x X

BB